Coping

Coping…

Those who know me, know that this is an interest of mine. Yes I admit it is a strange interest, but death, dying, grief and bereavement are as important aspects of the human experience as birth, love, pleasure, aspirations and companionship. Our grief is a physical and emotional representation of the depth of human interaction and experience that is difficult to describe in words. Any loss, whether a death or not, represents a departure from one path to another. Whether the loss is expected or not it forces us down a road of reflection of meaning. In way grieving is just a way of us finding what the loss means and what our life will be like without.

Loss and Death happen a lot in Mseleni. It is hard to appreciate the enormity of all the death without being here. Babies die of severe malnutrition or an acute meningitis, pneumonia, or severe gastro. Children and young adults are plagued with HIV and all it’s associated illness, Many pregnant women have little prenatal care given lack of transport and far proximity from regular care. The physicians who have been here longer seem to handle it an almost disassociated way. Admitingly it’s easier to do, because we could never truly understand Zulu culture or their bereavement fully. To protect our own psychi’s some find it easiest to check out. This short denial is not necessarily a bad thing, we just all cope with it in our time and way, some run, some write, some cook… we are all coping . I have difficulty putting “the facts of life (and death)” here in perspective. Usually people die when they’re old… not when they are young. The discrepancy fails to “make sense” in my mind and thus, the “normal” way I cope with death gets screwed up.

When I child dies in Mseleni, the child’s caretaker (often the gogo (Grandma) will wail over the child’s body, sometimes for hours. This is not in there own personal hospital room, its in a ward with 20 other kids and mothers surrounding them, The cries hit one’s heart directly to the core and serve as a reminder of how often death occurs. For me this is actually somewhat helpful, as a time and place to grieve the loss. Yes, I don’t know this child and most of the time, my interaction with him or her is limited by language and cultural barriers… but obviously he or she is still an important part the world, and all have unsurpassable worth. Ignoring the multiple losses indefinitely would not be sustainable.

The Language barrier I spoke of in the “Lost in Translation” blog further complicates the ability to understand what all of these loss fully mean and how this culture is coping. When young adults are dying, family is often not there, likely because of lack of transport or inability to miss work and sacrifice what little income they have. Also there is no palliative or hospice of any kind here. Family care is palliative care, but this often does not involve pain medications or comfortable environment… it means going home to the care of their family. Which is good, but this may also mean that they die in pain, short of breath, physically uncomfortable and in poor hygiene.

I know that their faith is very important. The community support is large as well. Singing, praying and talking are all regular parts of the day… not reserved for a special place or time. It is not unusual to walk by a group of 5 people singing on the hospital grounds at 10 am… and I think this is a key component of how this place copes… the community is the support system. The feeling I get here is “We are in this world together and together we will be okay.”